Astrological Compatibility - The Astrology of Relationship, Part I - Aspects

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Astrology can teach us much about our relationships with others if we spend some time getting to know the symbolic language on a more intimate level. Usually when people speak of astrological compatibility they are speaking of their sun signs only. What you will often hear is "I am a Leo and I usually don't get along with Scorpios" or "I am a Virgo and Pisces people really drive me crazy." What's missing here, of course, is an understanding of what it is about other people that really challenges us on a deeper level

To get a clearer understanding of astrological compatibility it's necessary to delve into two facets of astrology: the elements and the aspects. The elements we use in astrology are fire, water, air and earth. Each astrological sign falls into one of these categories. Aries, Leo and Sagittarius are the fire signs which are usually associated with our ability to perceive on an intuitive level. Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces are water signs which relate to the emotional aspects of our being. Libra, Aquarius and Gemini are all air signs and correspond to the mental or intellectual plane. And finally, Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo are the earth signs and relate to the physical or sensate qualities we possess.

The aspects are the interrelationships or dynamics that exist between the elements. The aspects determine the relative ease or "dis-ease" in which the elements will operate. For example, in Figure 1 I have laid out the elements in their natural relationships. As you can see fire and air and water and earth oppose each other (180 degrees apart). In addition each element is squared (in a 90 degree relationship) with each of the other elements. These two relationships, the opposition and square are the most challenging of the aspects between the elements. Does this mean then that if you happen to be an Aries (a fire sign) that every earth, water and air sign you meet will be a challenge to you in some way? Fortunately not!

In Figures 2, 3 and 4, I've laid out three diagrams of how the signs aspect or interrelate with each other. To interpret these examples all you do is find your birth sign and compare that with the other signs on your particular diagram. Using the Aries birth, for example, you would find that your relationships with Cancer, Libra and Capricorn would be challenging. The other water, air and earth signs in the remaining diagrams would not be as challenging and, in most cases, would be pretty smooth going.

This is because as an Aries you would be in positive aspect (trine) with the other fire signs and positive aspect (sextile) with the other air signs outside of your diagram. Similarly, if you are a Taurus you will find it more challenging to be around Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius and easier to be around the other earth signs and water signs outside of your own diagram.

To demonstrate how these principles operate in a relationship I'd like to share with you the dynamics of a couple I worked with a few years ago. She was a Scorpio with five of her ten planets in that sign and he was a Taurus with the same amount of planets in Taurus. As you can see from the diagram Taurus and Scorpio are opposite each other and theirs was a classic example of the opposition relationship. In this kind of relationship, which is quite common, (remember the old adage, opposites attract?) the couple often draws the opposite to them for the purpose of healing and becoming whole. What happens many times though, is that the couple ends up spending most of their time making the other person's reality wrong!

In this case she was the emotionally expressive one in the relationship and tended to be kind of "spacey" and quite ungrounded in her body. He was the epitome of the "classic" rational "I don't believe it unless I see it" type of guy. He wasn't interested or capable at the time of "being with" her deep, emotional material and she wasn't able to see the positive aspects of his earthy qualities. This is not to say that the opposition relationship won't work. It is just more challenging as it requires that both partners honor and accept the gift that their partner is offering them. It also takes great discipline to consciously develop the parts of ourselves that may be over developed in our partner so that we don't need them to be whole ourselves.

The square relationship is also quite common and I call it the "growth through confrontation" relationship. The crux of this relationship is that each partner challenges the other to keep growing often through confrontation and conflict! In the square relationship it often seems that the couple undermines and thwarts the best intentions of each other. The positive side of this type of relationship is that it provides a lot of energy and motivation to break out of old ways of relating. The only problem is that it can be very painful for all of those involved. Nevertheless, for those that are really committed to growing both individually and as a couple and who like a lot of fireworks in their relationship, the square relationship can be quite dynamic and can produce a lot of breakthroughs.

The conjunct relationship, or relationships that share the same sign, are the most rare and probably the most challenging. Since each partner is similar in many ways there is a compelling pull to merge with the other and to blur the boundaries that give rise to individuality. Objectivity tends to get thrown out the window and it becomes very challenging for the couple to distinguish where they stand in relation to each other. The reward of this balancing act is a relationship that reflects a singleness of purpose, and an intensity that provides motivation for accomplishing a lot together.

Interestingly enough the "easier" relationships, the trine relationship (both partners in the same element) and the sextile relationship (fire with any air outside one's own diagram, or water with any earth element outside one's own diagram) are not as common as the more challenging relationships we've been discussing. Maybe this accounts for the high divorce rate that exists in this country! Perhaps we choose the challenging relationships to move beyond what our familiar patterns of relationship have been. Since one of the gifts of being in relationship is the opportunity to grow both individually and in relation to others maybe we need that extra challenge to really motivate us to change and grow.

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Love, Passion and Transformation - Venus-Pluto Aspects

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In your birth chart, does Venus form an angle to Pluto, or do you have Venus in Scorpio or Scorpio planets in your 7th house? What does that say about your relationships-love, family, or friendship? This isn't a light-hearted combination-no strong aspect to Pluto really is, though we all have to integrate Pluto's energies into our lives. Pluto shows our need for power and control over our lives, a need often expressed in covert ways, yet no less dominant for being hidden. Plutonians may use sexuality or gifts of money and possessions as a hook to achieve other ends in relationships. Not everyone with a Venus-Pluto aspect is a Plutonian, but they often fall in love with Plutonians and align themselves with the partner's world view and defense mechanisms.

In drawing conclusions about the effects of various astrological aspects, remember that this aspect is but a piece of the whole, and you need to take all the relationship factors of the chart into account. For a full picture, blend all the aspects to Venus with the state of the 7th, 8th, and 5th houses of the birth chart. Still, we can still learn some common Venus-Pluto patterns from the descriptions that follow.

"SMOKIN'!!" Just as you'd imagine, a great deal of passion can be generated by combining Venus with Pluto. (They don't form aspects so much as cohabit!) Among those with the conjunction, for instance, are Hollywood sex symbols like Antonio Banderas, Sean Penn, and Raquel Welch. Where the combination is strong, the urge to merge with another through sexuality can become compulsive, even to the point of addiction. For others, physical conquest or seduction is more about power over the other person.

"IT'S NOBODY'S BUSINESS IF I DO." Venus-Pluto natives may be sexually active, but these highly private folks consider it nobody else's business. In fact, secrecy enhances the passion. For some of them, sexual intrigue, such as infidelity or the office affair, exerts a lure, the payoff being getting away with it or getting even with someone.

"THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND SEX AND MONEY." We had an old reprobate of a professor at college who adored saying that to shock us. He probably had a Venus-Pluto aspect, not to mention a fairly good grip on politics. Political savvy, combined with personal charm, grants a capacity to hobnob with the movers and shakers.

The famous people I found with Venus-Pluto aspects included many women who married well in order to do some dynasty building. Included were most of the American First Ladies from Eleanor Roosevelt onward. Almost all of them had aspects between Pluto and Venus, Pluto and Mars, or both. The pattern was so marked that I'd begun calling them the First Lady Aspects. They're also seen in the charts of other political like Maria Shriver and among the British Royals-Elizabeth II, Sarah, Duchess of York, and Sophie Rhys-Jones. Political savvy, combined with personal charm, gives these folks the capacity to hobnob with the movers and shakers. The trines like Pat Nixon and Betty Ford seem to do especially well, with an eye to position. They may not be your idea of glamour girls, but apparently know how to keep their men happy.

"YOU AND ME AGAINST THE WORLD." Many Plutonians suffer from fear of betrayal and lack of trust due to childhood traumas and losses. They're often isolated, alienated, and consumed with shame, lest others discover the family secrets. When they find someone to trust, someone who seems to understand and accept them, the relationship becomes a bulwark against unbearable isolation. Thus some of them have a terror of being abandoned and will do anything to keep the object of their love. Some Plutonians don't have relationships, they take hostages. An individual with a Venus-Pluto aspect who isn't Plutonian in all respects may nonetheless accept responsibility for making their Plutonian partner feel safe and loved, not an easy task when there has been serious wounding.

"MY LOVE WILL HEAL YOU." Especially when Neptune aspects are also strong in the person's chart, rescuing can become a strategy for avoiding abandonment. If fixing the other is the foundation of the relationship, there may be unconscious sabotage of the healing in order to bind the loved one close so that they can't leave. The "patient" can come to resent being in this unequal position, ultimately feeling powerless and even suffocated by the rescuer. In the end, the "patient" may strike out through some sort of hurtful action, even a terrible betrayal that finally ends the relationship, but it is done almost as a form of self-preservation. If you have a Venus-Pluto aspect and a painful history of betrayal in relationships, consider whether the dynamic of rescuing played a part in the patterns.

For all of us, love can be a healing vital force in transforming ourselves, so there are those with Venus-Pluto aspects whose loving hearts help heal those who are fortunate enough to encounter them-Dr. Phil McGraw, for instance. That possibility is realized when love heals rather than rescues-empowers rather than enslaves. People who are able to do that are the Venus-Pluto folks who love you and then let you go.